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March 6, 2024
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Is Body Shaming A Growing Concern?
Body shaming is more than saying – I am fat or I am short or my nose is too big for my face. It’s persistent self-badgering that influences thinking, mood, and behavior, and is rooted in pitiless dissatisfaction with one’s appearance. We humans spend a large portion of our life preening ourselves in front of mirrors. Unlike convex or concave reflectors which distort our form, plane mirrors reveal exactly what we look like. Yet, surprisingly we see ourselves in diverse and inimitable ways when we look at the mirror. It tells us a different story from what really is.
Our body image is a sum of how our body looks, and also our outlook. As a result, we may conjure up images that aren’t true reflections. These fake ‘mirages’ are tinted with memories, attitudes, assumptions and generalizations. How we feel about our body shape, height, weight, nose, or hair, alters how our body appears to us. When you look at your reflection in the mirror next time, know that you are not seeing yourself. You are actually appraising the way you are feeling about yourself. It’s not about your body; it’s all about your self-confidence.
Why Body Image Distortion and Body Shaming?
There are legitimate reasons why our vision of ourselves gets distorted. Our relationship with our own body begins very early in childhood. And is largely influenced by our parent’s appraisal of us and how we look. Parental approval of the appearance of themselves, neighbors, family members, or celebrities; also influences our ideation of how each one must look. And based on this learning, we begin to objectify our own body. We see each body part as unique – eyes, nose, hair, belly, legs, fingers etc. And we assess each part separately as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
Women tend to see this objective element more and hence have more scope to be dissatisfied, as each object or part of the body must pass the test. For many women, being overweight is as if sinful. Men on the other hand see the whole as different from the sum of its individual parts and feel good about themselves in general if one or two factors about themselves are satisfactory. And often enough this may have nothing to do with the actual appearance of the body at all.
Your body has its own story that nobody else has heard. But you know it. It really doesn’t matter how you look. What matters is how you see yourself.”
Mirages in the Mirror
A credible perception of the body means – seeing every part of your body as it really is, and celebrating yourself for the way you are. If you are concerned about your weight, you could choose to exercise or seek nutritional advice to get into better shape. That isn’t harmful. But you need to feel comfortable within your body, irrespective of its mass, contour or magnitude. And believe that physical appearances say little about your character and worth. Such positive perception permits you to feel confident and gratified. A distorted perception convinces you that you are unappealing, unwanted and unlikable, only because of how you look. This makes room for shame, self-consciousness and even depression or anxiety.
Social-Audience Effect
According to the social evaluation theory, our social standing can be threatened by potential negative evaluations from others. Society has narrow body ideas and sinister diet cultures. That is why we so frequently and continually feel scrutinized by others and think that being overweight is unacceptable.
This threat initiates as much stress hormone release as would often be seen in a life-threatening physical assault. When we sense deviation from our perceived societal body normal, we feel defective and assume stigma even though nobody officially awarded it to us. We shame ourselves more than the world does, because we mind read our spectators. In the eyes of others, we become unattractive, inept, incapable and sloppy. We assume our social audience is constantly berating us.
Signs of Body Shaming
The fitting analogy to these relationships, is a roller coaster ride. On the incline it is calm. This is the time where one’s emotional needs are being met. Maybe the physical presence, phone calls or personal interactions with the partner are sufficient. Soon enough on the decline, insecurity creeps in with overwhelming emotional storminess. Neediness prevails with an on-going fear of rejection.
This fear of abandonment makes such a person clingy and anxious. At the same time, he or she gets trapped in the self-created web of dependence. The relationship feels incomplete even in the presence of the partner. These couples feel the shakiness and tumult all the time. There are paranoid fears, insecure allegations and random accusations. They don’t seem to enjoy with, or without each other. Insecurity and lack of trust typifies such relationships.
I Am Flabby (Fat Shaming)
Fat is not a feeling. It is a measure of body size. It’s a descriptive, not a character adjective. When you criticize your own or someone’s appearance because of being overweight – using labels like ugly, flabby, or unappealing, or refuse to go out because you don’t look good enough; you might be fat shaming. You might also hold unrealistic body image ideas inspired by pop culture.
I Am Unattractive
Do you doubt your attractiveness, talent, charm, desirability, intelligence, capability and capacity, or even work efficiency, because you believe you’re carrying extra pounds, have a larger nose than a few, or have thin hair? This is not doing justice to your positive qualities, virtues, and talents. You’re putting down what is truly the only thing that is yours – your body and its image.
I Worry About How I Look
Preoccupation with looks reveals a lack of self-confidence. When you are body or fat shaming, you feel low about your physical attributes and discuss your weight or physical shortcoming with friends or family – “I’m overweight, nothing looks good on me!” This is more often a reassurance seeking gesture. Because you are embarrassed about yourself even though nobody else is.
I Eat Bad Stuff
We’ve internalized diet cultures such that food has developed morals. Foods are right or wrong, and they could also be unhealthy, unscrupulous or destructive. Yes, some foods have more nutritive value than others but it takes all colors of the rainbow to make a balanced meal. When you blame yourself for eating chocolate or wafers ever, you’re most likely body shaming yourself.
Making irrational conclusions about how you look is a negative cognitive element of shaming. Feeling sad, restless, anxious, frustrated or miserable are derogatory emotions whereas crying, worrying, and sleeplessness in connection your weight, body shape or appearance are the behavioral components of shaming. Negative thoughts, emotions as well as behavior don’t define you. Of course, everything is influenced by events happening around you at a given moment. But the fact that your appearance becomes a contributor to your mood, itself implies that shaming is happening.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try accepting yourself once and see what happens.”
A Distorted Reality
We spend precious hours of our day watching advertorials showcasing slimmer waistlines, longer eyelashes, whiter teeth and fuller hair. These could inspire us to do better. Like a treadmill commercial making us want to lose weight or the fluoride toothpaste ad motivating us to have whiter teeth. That’s great. But the human models who showcase these, delude us. Often and unfortunately, they make us feel that we’re not good enough. We’re not shapely enough, our eyelashes aren’t long enough, teeth aren’t white enough and hair isn’t full enough. Such thoughts make us feel miserable. Truth is, many flawless looks in commercials are a result of makeup, lighting or photo-editing. With a few clicks on photoshop, skin can be smoothened, wrinkles erased and waists pinched to proportions that corsets can’t achieve. Someone else’s looks should not make us feel ugly.
The Goldilocks Theory
Our culture supports perfection but we use it to endorse self-beating. Body shape was not a problem in every society, but the last few decades have seen the evil grow. There is always some problem – we’re too dark, too pale, not muscular enough, or not curvy enough; some of us seek breast enhancement while others want reduction, few choose hair transplant and many, LASER hair removal. When it comes to weight, nearly 90 per cent of those who feel too fat or too thin are well within the appropriate BMI range. But it feels uncomfortable to gracefully accept the way we look. So, we choose to shame, and feel even surer when others affirm our viewpoints and actions.
Stop the Shame-Game
We’re wired to discuss looks. We actually bond over body bashing because everyone does it and we like to conform. We want to blend in, so we play. It’s like watching a horror movie. You know you shouldn’t see it as it gives you sleepless nights. But you do. You’ve got to stop playing the shame-game.
Quitting Shaming! Do -
- Be with genuine, patient people
- Know that adverts aren’t real life
- Focus on virtues, neutral of looks
- Get healthier, stronger and fitter
Quitting Shaming! Don’t -
- Base your self-worth on looks
- Label, snub, or judge yourself
- Let emotions take over logic
- Compare. You are so unique.
“If you weren’t you, nobody would even notice you. Celebrate your uniqueness. Today and every day”
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