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March 6, 2024
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Is there anyone who has not faced a “difficult” coworker? There will invariably be a colleague who doesn’t show up in time for meetings or a manager who takes all the credit for your work. Or maybe there is a gossipmonger who sows seed of contempt such that the whole team gets antagonized with each other. One person’s negativity can drag the everyone down. Such is the toxicity generated by noxious people in the workplace.
Such behavior could make you often sit back and wonder, ‘What even happened, everything was going well until this one person arrived and now the whole working environment has become unbearable. How did he or she get so much power? And how did I lose my power and become this helpless?” Toxicity drains you of the optimism and resilience that you need, to perform well at your workplace. I’m going to offer you 5 tips that work like anti-toxins, to help you keep your cool and take the right call; even when people around you are being difficult
Antitoxin 1: Recognize the Plot
Has it ever happened that you became best friends with the new employee, team member or manager, only to realize after a few weeks that you are being manipulated and controlled by them? Toxic people have a knack. They mirror your mind and gel with you instantaneously to win your trust. Their personal sagas justify their shirking of work, but they refuse to change or seek help. They insidiously release venom that blinds you such that you’re left flabbergasted when they begin to use you to their advantage and are no longer the “buddies” they had masqueraded as. You’re left feeling disappointed; possibly overburdened with doing their share of work and still feeling responsible for every mishap. They are thankless and always seem to get their way.
Antitoxin 2: Don’t React
The toxic person’s primary goal is to get a reaction from you. Pay attention to the plot and change your response to their actions. This person will try his or her best to drain your energy and leave you feeling smaller and less important. Your immediate reaction invariably is to fight back; but when you do that, you only see a display of agony, followed by retaliation with sob stories and excuses, after which you are even more frustrated. Don’t get sucked into the emotional game. Acknowledge what they are saying, listen attentively and offer your own views with “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You are manipulative and making my task harder by delaying sharing the data”, say, “I respect your viewpoint, but I am accustomed to working with data in the formative stage so I would be more comfortable if you shared it with me in advance.”
Antitoxin 3: Set Boundaries
The toxic co-worker tends to get personal by blurring the lines between work and subjective discussion, as well as by intruding into your personal hours. They tell personal stories and get into your personal life even though you don’t want to share much with them. Setting boundaries will save you the emotional drama and this really means communicating assertively about whatever makes you uncomfortable. You will have to have a conversation about it. Be professional, assertive, and honest. Don’t become emotional and tell them about how their behavior is impacting you; they will never listen or care and will strike back by calling you unprofessional. Tell them what is acceptable and what isn’t and that you will not tolerate any boundary violation. There is no point arguing or being defensive, it’s only a trap to keep you engaged with the toxic person. Speak with clarity and conviction to send the message home.
Antitoxin 4: Keep Your Focus
Despite difficult people being around, your job must go on. You cannot lower your performance on account of toxic people. There are too many distractions and adversities already but in the real world, there is real work, that needs to be completed. Nobody is giving you grace time and opportunities because of a toxic employee. True, your brain cannot continue to function the way it used to because of the emotional bombardment. But if you care about the impact that you make and the product you deliver, you will have to play dead as if the person does not affect you at all. Keep doing your best, reach out to other colleagues and employees and share discussions with them so everyone around is engaged with you. It will dilute the effect of the toxic co-worker and your team will recognize your potential, nonetheless. Toxicity in other people cannot slow your growth. It should not.
Antitoxin 4: Be Assertive
Do you get intimidated easily? When that happens, people can walk all over you. Imagine if the toxic co-worker has befriended you by telling you all their life problems including the issues they are facing in their personal life, which are forcing them to evade responsibility professionally. Right after this rant, they request you to take on work on their account. What will you do? You don’t want to take on their share of work because you’re already overburdened. Assertiveness in this situation will help you put your best foot forward. You can rehearse these statements too. For example, you can say, “I really understand this is a hard time for you, but I am already overbooked, and I won’t be able to take this on right now. In many cases the broken record technique helps. You repeat yourself in a plain tone of voice. “Yes, I know this is a hard time for you and it’s a rough patch but this time I won’t be able to take this on.”
Antitoxin 4: Be Safe
You might be naïve or maybe you’re just nice; that is why the toxic person is able to take advantage of you. Many times, you don’t see this, but whether toxic or not, in every interaction at the workplace you owe it to yourself to keep your bases covered. You need to keep yourself safe on the personal as well as professional front. Workwise, document all interactions and communication, preferably on email or work-chat so that your competence is not doubted. On the personal side when you are challenged with an emotional allegation like, “You are never there for me”, or “You never support my ideas in the meetings”, you need to be mindful of the personal-professional gray areas. Say to this person, “I respect your expertise and understand that you are trying your utmost best, but I am just following professional guidelines. We can discuss together and reach common ground to come up with the best ideas together if you like.”
Antitoxin 5: Heal Yourself
Dealing with a toxic person can take a massive toll on your own mental health. You may get so deeply swept into their conniving plan, such that you begin to lose your individuality and start making excuses on their account. They’re great at spinning a spider’s web that traps you within. It drains your optimism and confidence and could harm your own performance. Tune in to your feelings. Pay attention to what this is doing to you. Are you getting snappy? Are you becoming frustrated with work and others at work? Is this giving you sleepless nights? Are you making more mistakes at work? Are you realizing that this behavior is wrong but are unable to speak up? All these are signs of coercion and stress. If you’re instinctively feeling uncomfortable but can’t place a finger on it, remember to speak to a third person who will be neutral and more capable of helping you out of this.
Toxicity is difficult to end but the mission is in place. At Dynamatics, the wellness team is here to help. We aim to build a workplace that allows employees to thrive and flourish. We need your support for the same. Feel free to reach out anytime if you’re experiencing toxicity. You matter. Your opinion matters. Help us make Dynamatics better.
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